Furby Play
by Ayesha Altugle
Summary: Furby just wants to play. Parody. Written for TQLFC challenge.


_A/N: I would like to point out that this came about for a challenge. It is an Alternative Universe, Canon Divergence _oneshot _. It is an attempt at silly, humor, so in other words, it is a parody._

 **Written for The Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition. My team is the Wimbourne Wasps!**

 **Round 3 - 90s Nostalgia, CHASER 2: Furby - Optional: Use 3 prompts. I'm using (Word) Grave, (Emotion) Fear, (Genre) Humor**

 _Major differences = There is still magic and Hogwarts, but in a world without Voldemort & Death Eaters. There are non-canon relationships mentioned. The only house rivalry is over house points, so some characters might not be "hating" each other like in canon. This is a parody so I did tweak with character personalities for the humor and it being a parody, also please consider how personalities would be different without Voldy, Death Eaters and major house rivalry._

Timeline _is wonky because Harry is born in 1980 and Furbies were made in 1998. For the sake of this story, we're assuming the Furbies were made much earlier._ **(Furby will be speaking in BOLD.)**

 **Actual wordcount: 2656**

* * *

"I don't like you," Harry said, looking across the table at Draco.

"I don't like you, either," Draco replied. They grinned at each other as if sharing a secret joke.

"Oh, Merlin's pants, can't you two just say you like each other like normal couples?" Ron exploded. "Go back to competing for House Points, then at least things would be normal."

Draco turned to Ron, his face as serious as he could make it. "I don't like you, Ron." He was teasing. Everyone knew it, even Ron.

"Don't you dare start that mushy gushy stuff with me!" Ron jumped up. "I've got standards, you know."

Everyone laughed as Ron walked away from the table they were sharing in the Great Hall.

"I'll meet up with you guys tomorrow for our Christmas celebration," Draco said, getting up and heading out, too. He patted Harry on the head. They were together, but not the type to be extremely touchy-feely in public.

It was strange having Draco in their group of friends after he and Harry had picked on each other so much during their first six years at Hogwarts, though Hermione and Ron were trying to get used to it.

* * *

"Happy Christmas, Harry!" Ron said, nearly jumping on top of him. Harry groaned and tried to throw the redhead off his bed.

"I'm still sleeping. Go away," Harry mumbled, curling back into his pillow.

"Come on! Your aunt and uncle sent you a weird giggly gift."

Harry bolted up at that, sleep gone in an instant. The palms of his hands became sweaty and his heart started to race. Ron's words brought back a dark, horrible memory. "They did? Giggly?" _Please don't let it be what I think it is!_

"Yes, your gift is laughing and making weird gibberish sounds."

"Oh, no!" Harry looked around him. The window was open. He could jump. No, too extreme. His childhood phobia was strong though, and he really felt like jumping would be better than facing what was waiting for him. There was only one item he could think of that made weird sounds and spoke in a gibberish language, but why would his family send it? _It must be a cruel joke._

"What is it?" Ron asked.

Harry crawled to the edge of his bed and looked down. He would recognize that shape anywhere, even if it was wrapped. "It's a-a toy Dudley gave me when I was a kid because he was terrified of it." He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping this was all a dream. "I-I'm also afraid of it. Aunt Petunia said she got rid of it! I haven't seen it since I was seven!"

Ron picked up the oddly shaped package. He could feel an animal shape of sorts. The package wiggled and made more muffled noises. He tried to hand it off, but Harry's eyes widened, and he scrambled back on the bed.

"No, keep it away from me!" _Please no. I hate that toy._ Harry couldn't help how much he shivered, and Ron was looking at him like he had grown another head. Harry felt like he was seven all over again.

"Come on, it's just a little toy," Ron said, thinking Harry was pulling his leg. "You were a kid, Harry. I'm sure you just let your imagination run wild." Ron tried to give it to him again. Reluctantly, Harry took it, holding it in his lap.

"Well, go on, open it!"

"Why in the world did they send this to me?" Harry's hands trembled, but he started to pull off some of the wrapping paper. "Aunt Petunia told us she killed it. She made it a little grave and everything." Finally, it was unwrapped. In Harry's hands sat a blue fuzzy creature. It had large eyes that seemed to move and follow Ron as he moved around the room.

"I can see why you were scared. It is creepy. Is this really the type of toys muggle children play with? How bizarre. What is it exactly?"

Harry groaned. "Furby. Every kids worst nightmare."

 **"U-nye-loo-lay-doo?"** The Furby blinked its eyes several times and started to vibrate in Harry's hands, a strange purring sound coming from its body.

"No." Harry looked at Furby. "I do not want to play."

 **"Loo-Loo!"**

"What is it doing?" Ron asked.

"It wants to play," Harry answered.

"You act like Furby is alive."

 **"Tee!"**

Harry opened the trunk at the end of his bed and stuffed Furby inside.

 **"Play with me!"**

"It speaks English?"

"Yes," Harry answered.

"It might be annoying, but it seems harmless," Ron said with a laugh.

 **"Pay attention to me!"**

Harry and Ron paled. The looked down at the chest. The Furby's English was too perfect and too self aware. It was no wonder little kids ended up being scared of them. Harry opened the chest and removed the batteries from Furby. Such a simple concept. _Why didn't Aunt Petunia ever do that back in the day?_

"Come on, let's go meet the others."

* * *

Harry and Ron ran into Draco and Hermione as they were entering the Great Hall. Draco and Harry looked at each other, but before they could speak, Ron reached out and put a hand over Harry's mouth.

"Please spare us the mushy stuff. It's too early!" Ron groaned. Harry swatted his hand away.

"For crying out loud, I was only going to say Merry Christmas to them. Maybe when you hit puberty, you will understand the 'mushy' stuff."

"Oh, he's hit it," Lavender Brown said, overhearing as she walked past their group. Ron's ears turned crimson. It was no secret that Lavender had a thing for him, and she wasn't quiet about it, either. Harry, Draco and Hermione all laughed at the expression on Ron's face.

Not many people had stayed behind for the Christmas break, so everyone sat down at one large table, digging into their food.

 **"U-nye-ay-** tay **-doo?"**

Harry and Ron jumped up, their plates, silverware and food going everywhere. Nobody else reacted. Strange things happened all the time in a magical school, though the non-muggle kids were confused when they saw the source of the voice.

They looked down, and sure enough, they saw Furby beneath the table, its eyes looking up at them. Furby's beak-like mouth was wide open, which Harry found strange because the old Furbies could only open their mouth if someone put something inside.

 _But I took the batteries out. How did it even get here?_ Harry thought. He rubbed the back of his head. He tried to remain calm because he did not want everyone to see how much the little toy freaked him out. His hands were sweating, and his heart was pounding fiercely in his chest.

"What did it say?" Ron asked.

"Are you hungry," Harry answered. He had no idea how he understood Furbish language so well, but maybe he just retained what he had learned as a child.

Hermione peered under the table. "Oh! A Furby!" She picked it up and smiled. She pet Furby's head, making the thing coo. The sound sent shivers down Harry's spine.

"It's cute," Lavender said. "Where did it come from?"

"His aunt sent it," Ron explained. Harry and Ron told their friends what happened to them this morning.

"What I don't get," Harry said, "is how did it even get here?" He didn't mention the batteries and refused to see if someone had put them back in.

"There must be a reasonable explanation for how it got here," Hermione said, always the one to stay logical.

"I bet it's cursed," Draco said with a smirk. He thought it was a funny joke but noticed how visabley pale Harry turned and regretted his words.

 **"I will kill you all."**

"Well, that escalated quickly." Draco took a drink of his water, seemingly unaffected. Everyone else was looking on with wide eyes, terrified and confused. The Furby had sounded so sweet and innocent.

"How did it learn those words?" Ron whispered.

"Furby's don't mimic words, Ron," Hermione said. "They are programed to, over time, replace their Furbish phrases with the English equivalent. I suppose this one is faulty. Probably someone at the factory messed with it. Faulty or not, he's adorable. I wanted one as a kid." She put Furby on the table.

 **"I like you, Hermione. You're nice, so I'll kill you last."**

Hermione jumped back from the table. "That isn't funny! Who's making it do that?"

 **"I already killed your aunt, Harry."** The Furby seemed to really come alive. It's body rippled and moved in ways not possible, making it seem like a real breathing animal. Harry gasped at its words. **"Just kidding. I'm a family friendly toy, after all."**

"It's like a cute _Chucky_!" Hermione bit down on her lower lip. "This can't be possible! Somebody tell me that thing has a spell put on it!" Nobody but Harry knew who Chucky was, but the others could tell he was not a good thing.

 **"Darling, Chucky has nothing on me."**

"Seriously, who is doing this?" Hermione gave the boys an accusing look.

"I swear, no one put a spell on it," Harry said. "I just unwrapped it, and now here it is, threatening us and possibly hitting on you." Harry wrinkled his nose. "Ew."

 **"I will kill you first, Harry Potter!"** Furby started to walk along the table. Harry looked at it, blinked, and then looked again. Furby's body had seemed to come to life before, but the more it moved, Harry saw that it was looking like real flesh and blood. In fact, it had real working legs, and its chest was rising and falling. It was breathing!

"This is no malfunction, Hermione," Lavender said. "I don't know much about muggle toys, but I doubt this is normal." She took out her wand and poked the creature. Harry cringed, watching her do it.

 **"Don't ignore what I said! I will kill you!"**

"Well, spell or not, this thing is alive." Draco wasn't scared. Not yet at least. What harm could a little toy do, even if it was alive?

* * *

"That's it. You're going to wish you never entered these halls," Harry told the Furby. He knew he was being silly, talking to it like Furby was real, but in his mind, the toy was real. Harry's irrational fear was certainly real.

Harry wrapped Furby in many layers of parchment and put it in a box. The Furby vibrated, starting to shake and scream in high pitched tones. Harry got Hedwig and another owl from the owerly. "Please take this thing as far from here as possible. In fact, drop it in a lake or something."

Muffled screams came from Furby, many of them obscenities and threats.

 **"You will pay, Harry Potter!"**

The birds took off and Harry watched, relieved. They still had no clue how the thing was alive, but they did not want Furby around, no matter how harmless it seemed. Harry's phobia was still on high alert, and he was a bit embarrassed that he was afraid of such a little toy… no, creature.

* * *

Draco and Harry were sitting in the back of the library, going over some Potions homework Snape had given them to complete over the break.

 **"I'm back, bitches!"**

"You've got to be kidding me!" Harry jumped up. His heart felt like someone had reached in and squeezed it. Draco stood up as well, also feeling slight concern. They looked around, not seeing it at first, though when they did, their eyes widened. A waterlogged Furby, who looked even more real than before and had a nasty grimace on its face, stood on the floor. It had arms now! Furbies were not supposed to have arms! It also looked larger. Much larger! How was this toy changing and growing?

"What the f-" Draco started, but was cut off by Harry, who grabbed his arm and started to drag him through the library. It was as if both boys forgot they were wizards and had wands.

 **"I'm going to get you for trying to drown me, Harry Potter! I ate your stupid owl!"**

"What?" Harry cried.

The furby cackled. **"You really can't take a joke, can you? Of course, I did not eat her. I'm on a strict stupid boy diet."**

The whole mess with Furby would have been comical had it not been so scary. Since it was Christmas, most of the professors were gone, out visiting family, but the few that were behind seemed to be nowhere around. Nobody witnessed a strange creature chasing after Draco and Harry, nor did they witness the attack that somehow got the boys locked in a closet. Which was ironic, considering the nature of their relationship.

* * *

"I don't like you."

"I don't like you, either."

Harry and Draco looked at each other and hugged. "Let's do this," Harry said. They slowly let go, until only their hands were touching. Draco squeezed Harry's hands to give him some comfort. They did not have an intimate relationship, what with Draco being asexual, and not normally one for major shows of affection, but it was moments like these that Harry loved. Well, minus the crazed Furby.

"Yes, if we must," Draco said. Furby banged on the closet door they were trapped behind. How the hell they had got locked in, they had no idea. Furby had grown large enough to reach the handle, so he must have done something to the door, and now he was just stirring up their fear.

Furby hit the door again. Despite trying to remain calm and collected, Draco jumped. Harry snickered, trying to make this seem like a joke; however, he was shaking and scared. They were bruised and had bite wounds on their lower legs from where the Furby practically stabbed them with its beak. Furby turned out to be more dangerous than they thought it could be.

They pulled out their wands and together started to kick at the door. They could have used magic, but brute force felt so much better. When the door was opened, they faced the angry furby, wands raised.

"Alright then, let's have it out," Harry said, looking down at the creature.

Furby's face lost some anger, replaced with a more innocent look, seeing two larger boys pointing wands at it. It raised its arms in defense.

 **"Aw, come on, I just wanted to** plaaaaay **."** The word "play" started out sweet and quiet, but grew in pitch and turned more sinister, Furby's face going from innocent to devilish within seconds.

Harry shot _Incendio_ at him. "U-nye-way-loh-nee-way. Bitch."

The Furby whined and screamed in pain; the fire spell burned his fur away, and before long, he was just a pile of molten plastic.

"What did you say to him?"

"Go to sleep now. Bitch."

"I got the bitch part." Draco snickered.

Draco used his wand to cool the burning mess. He reached down and plucked up what was left of Furby's head.

"Hard to believe all this fuss over such a small thing." Even though it grew in size, it was still so small compared to a human.

The Furby's eyes opened. Draco dropped it in shock, kicking it accidentally at Harry.

Harry stumbled away, falling to the ground. A severed hand that had somehow survived the fire jumped at him and started to choke him.

 **"Wanna** plaaaay **?"** The head rolled around on the floor, repeating several Furbish phrases mixed with English, sounding more distorted the longer it talked. Draco struggled to help Harry. The more Draco pulled, the tighter the hand squeezed.

 **"Kill him! Kill him now. Strangle him, don't let go!"**

Draco finally ripped the hand away from Harry's neck. They turned back to the chanting head and shot spell after spell at it, until it wasn't even recognizable as a Furby.

"Is it over?" Harry asked.

"I think so… at least until the sequel."

* * *

 **A/N This is a parody, so a little fourth wall breaking. I also seemed to channel a bit of Chucky there, didn't I? The last line from Furby comes from the Chucky movie.**

 **Beta'd by** T **heQuietAwakening, lun27, & **  
**tonberrys**

* * *

 ** _Buzzzzzzz_**

 _We all believe in the power of The Wasps!_

Over land _and sea, we follow The Wasp way._

 _We are the Wasps._

 _Fear our sting!_

 _For we are The Wasps!_

 _But whatever you do,_

 _do not eat us!_

 _Wasps can be Friend!_

 _Wasps Not FOOD!_


End file.
